Give Me a Gold Star

I'm sitting at my computer thinking that I wanted to be asleep over an hour ago. But something wouldn't let me. Maybe reading Nicholas Sparks books puts me in a pensive mood. Maybe the universe is trying to send me a message. Maybe the following words will be more jumbled up that a game of human knot. Let's go.


I am thankful for everyone that has ever hurt me. 

I'm thankful for the ex-boyfriends that made me feel like total cow manure (get it?). Though confused/anger/sad/depressed at the time, I'm glad that he cheated, he left me for no reason, he was a total idiot, he lied to me the entire time...the list goes on. I'm that girl who is still friends with her past relationships because in retrospect, they are amazing people.  They all have something to give to the world and they ultimately helped me learn about life, love and myself. That's the other thing, I forgive but I won't forget. Even though life was painful, you do your best and you get through it. 


(And I'll admit it, right now there is a man in my life who made the rough parts of my past acceptable because I think I've found everything that I couldn't find in the past.)

I would like to mention that there is always another story. In the past I have lost friends. I moved, I grew, I grew out of them, vice verse, whatever. Right now, I think I'm ready to talk about this.  About a year ago I lost a friend and it still haunts me today. I found out a secret, she lied to me, I gave her a chance, she gave up on a 5 year friendship. And I still kept secrets for someone that I truly cared about. I had nightmares for a week. I didn't tell anyone what I knew while I'm sure people were talking about me behind my back.  The best part is, that a friend from my past proved how important trust and the truth is in a friendship.  I learned. I learned the hard way that some people will throw away years of memories like trash on the sidewalk. I'm thankful because I realized more about friendship in one year than I have in my 20 years.

Now, I have a best friend (thanks to an ex-boyfriend, ironically) that I tell everything too. She is one of the few people that keeps me smiling and makes me feel loved and appreciated. There is a reason that the people of your past didn't make it to the present. I can only hope that the people in my present will stay with me through the future, whatever it may bring.

What's that phrase? "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." Is there a type of holy bullshit cleansing? Sign me up.

I shall revert to the wonderful new Kelly Clarkson song, "What Doesn't Kill You." Yes, it did make me stronger. I'm grateful because without that suffering there would be no compassion.


It's those small epiphanies that keep me going. It's the light bulbs that keep me pondering life. And it's the days when everything seems to be going wrong that I think about how good I have it.

I don't need a pat on the back, but I wouldn't mind a gold star.

Diva Kitty likes Kittens.

Stay Excellent.
-E