I've always wondered how some people look so well put together. To me, it seems like they have everything figured out. From the outside, they have a great body or good looks or a successful social or professional life. But boy was I wrong. I fell for the oldest trick in the book believing that. I'm sure other people did too when they looked at me. Well, let's start somewhere more familiar.
Middle school and high school are supposed to be awkward and slightly terrible and terrifying. It's called puberty. But for some reason there's always that one girl that always looked so "perfect." I could never mess with my hair or make-up enough to look even close to the way she did. After a while of not understanding this conspiracy, I just gave up.
For as long as I can remember I was the tall, nerdy girl. I'm not kidding and I still am today. But as a kid, my peers sure could make fun of me on the playground. Some were really mean but others just left me alone because they knew I could run faster than them. Haha, suckers. None the less, I was always self conscious about my too short jeans or my hoodie that could never quite reach my wrists. I wasn't happy or proud with my tall body and it sucked. It was the only body I had. Hell, I always had acne and sometimes it still flares up. In simple words, fuck puberty. You can be grateful afterwards but while you got it, it's awful.
That's a good basis for my story which, I know, is what you all wanted to hear anyway. I'm going to be completely honest and this could get a little long but I might leave out a couple of details.
So there was this guy...isn't that how all these female stories start? That's sad...and we'll call him Brad for namesake and to keep his real identity a secret. Although if certain people read this, they'll know exactly who he is. Sorry Brad.
I had just started high school and boy was I at the bottom of the totem pole. I was the blonde gangly girl with braces and a poor complexion but I had survived middle school so I had something to be grateful for. I knew I wasn't pretty or beautiful but I was thin (thanks to a high metabolism) so I wasn't a total loss. C'est la vie.
Then I met Brad. [Terrible horror music ensues.] Nah, just kidding. He was an upper classman and cute and nice and it was crystal clear that I liked him. I'm sure he liked me too...for about 2 days...but I was just fresh meat. We became friends and I was satisfied yet holding onto the hope that he would ask me out. No such thing happened. Instead, I became the really good friend that just listened to all of his problems while he dated EVERY girl in the book. And these girls weren't your typical stereotypes. No, everyone of them managed to be psychotic. You think I'm joking but Brad could really choose them. And just like the one before the her, they broke up. Shocker. The guy wasn't a mess after each break-up (though some are) but I was always the good friend who acted like an air duct system and listened to him vent. Word for the wise, if someone just uses you as a ventilation system, get out now.
Something must have changed because Brad started paying just a little more attention to me. This may seem like good news but there's always a black, deathly lining. And that ominous threatening cloud was..."Brittany." I'm sure we all know that one girl who seems oh-so-nice to her close, elite group of friends and maybe some outsiders. In reality, MIB is hunting her down because there's an evil purple alien baby about to pop out and scream "Fuck you Bitch!" LOLz. Ironic....
Ok that was a little much. But honestly, there's always that moment when everyone is trying to tell Spunky Sally not to date Joe Shmo and she just doesn't listen. Facepalm! Poor Brad.
I tried to say something but Brad started dating Brittany anyway. After a while you could see the strain but hey, whatever. I'm could hear the whip crack from the friend zone. There's an app for that.
Note about the Friend Zone: FUCK the friend zone. If someone is dumb enough to put you in the FZ prison and you are dumb enough to stay there then you don't deserve them. And truth be told, they sure as hell don't deserve you. Get out of the FZ prison and either try or just give up. Yes, it's reverse psychology but you know what I'm saying. Why choose to be unhappy?
<<That awkward moment you (A) you wish you knew what you know now then and (B) you should have taken your own advice.>> Damn it.
It got worse. Happy couple turned to into crazy woman and boyfriend on a leash in a couple of months. Therefore, Brad started hanging out with me more and more. I played my part as "ventilation system with a smile" perfectly. But he slowly started flirting and making moves on me. I was flattered but I didn't blatantly stop him. I came to realize that 1. he was unhappy and 2. he was a cheater. Stupid little naive me didn't stop anything and didn't understand what was to come.
He was a cheater and the woman always finds out. It wasn't huge but his flirting and move-making was cheating. I still don't know why I didn't just say, "enough." But the name calling started to fly. All of a sudden, people were talking behind my back calling me a bitch, a slut, and a whore all because Brad kissed me.
I tried to brush it off but it just kept coming. I guess I thought that Brad would stop talking to me and tell Brittany to leave me alone too. A small part of me wished he would dump her and choose me, like that would ever happen. The black, deathly, ominous cloud grew larger and things got even worse. More people and more name calling kept beating down less and less of me.
Then things became scary. I knew I was depressed. I either wouldn't stop eating or I wouldn't eat at all. I was tired and slow moving. I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't want to face people. I was, of course, overly emotional and began fighting with my mom. I was mean to her and I ultimately ruined our relationship.
That's the one thing I regret the most. Parents love you no matter what and I threw it in her face. I've been working to make it better ever since.
I hated myself. It was like all of those names came crashing down and I actually started believing them. I thought I was an ugly, disgusting human being. That's the thing about name calling. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I just shut down inside. I wasn't the same person with my friends or family. I became this person with a dark cloud constantly looming over her head. And for about 4 months, I really thought about suicide. I wondered if anyone would care if I was gone. I wondered if the pain would stop and if dying was easier than living in my own miserable world. Inside, I knew that I could never take my own life, but I constantly thought about it. It was the first time in my life I had really considered the meaning of death.
That May, Brad graduated and left. Thank god. I couldn't handle any more of it. Brittany was still there but I later realized that without him, she was just another insecure bitch. Obvi.
That summer things changed. I planned on going to CCO for LIT but we had to evacuate after 2 days on our backpacking trip. Leave because of bear poop, return to camp to find everyone sick with Nora Virus. Great. Luckily, I had also planned on going on a two week backpacking trip in Northern Wyoming with the Women's Wilderness Organization, based in Boulder. With two trip leaders and about 10 teenage girls, I was nervous but very excited.
It was a honestly, an amazing trip. Rock climbing, bathing in rivers, chilling by lakes, and star gazing was just the beginning. At our third campsite, we camped by a lake in a valley and the stars were at least 10 times what you would normally see in Denver. It was like being in the presence of a divine power. I truly felt like I had seen God's reflection in the sky. I couldn't sleep that night because it was so bright and beautiful.
During that trip, I spent so much time just thinking about my past, present and future. I had to come to terms with what had happened during those 2 years. I had to forgive myself and begin to forgive Brad. Forgive, but never forget. I realized that I didn't really know who I was and I was completely lost inside. However, in those moments, I could decide who I wanted to be.
One morning we got up at 4 am to scale the peak we were camping at the base of. We reached the top just as the sun was rising. After a long, hard journey the destination was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. I started to cry, looked up and saw a bald eagle circling overhead. In that moment, all the pain and hatred I had been carrying washed away. The weight of my past had been lifted from my chest with the rising sun. I was free.
I decided then and there who I wanted to be. And I've been working on becoming that person ever since.
I returned to high school for my junior year a changed young woman. Lucky for me, puberty decided to wrap up as well. I was still disproportional but I could appreciate my long gangly legs. My braces came off and I couldn't stop smiling. I gained the confidence in myself that I had been looking for and that I had always needed.
I don't regret anything. You may think I'm crazy for saying that but it's the truth. Though I forgave Brad for everything that happened, I didn't forget. I learned from everything and I wouldn't be who I am today without those experiences. The drama, the tears, the depression and the discovery all lead to the person who writes these words now.
Here's the twisted part that still makes me laugh. Brad and I are friends now. Right?! Like "facepalm"! What was I thinking? Well, he finally grew some sense and realized that I was "The Girl" that he should have dated all those years ago. And when he showed up 4 years too late it took a lot of convincing for me to even consider allowing him back into my life. He sure did make a grand entrance back into EvaLand but we're good buddies. He knows he will never get another chance like the ones I gave him in high school. But I think he is satisfied that we can have some sort of relationship now, however dysfunctional it may be. Brad doesn't know this, but I sort of consider him to be my gay best friend, even though he isn't gay. But I treat him like that. Haha karma?
That's the story. My teenage hood had its hardships but none of them compare to some of the stories I have heard. But it's who I am and I understand that our actions and experiences define us. I changed my morals, values and personal philosophies. Now I'm just striving to be my best self, my camp self.
Much love,
E
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
How to Keep A Guy in 10 Days: The Sequel
When the courting and dating begins between two people, there are so many possible dynamics and situations that could occur. Like the movie, "How to Lose A Guy In 10 Days," I did my own little experiment on what women can get away with if the moment is right. It's important to absorb the proceeding information with a grain of salt and experiment within your own comfort zone. However, if you feel like the Indiana Jones of relationships and are planning on being particularly adventurous, may the force be with you.
Rule #1 Be Yourself
It sounds like the oldest trick in the book right? Yes. But it's interesting to me how far people will go to entice someones interests. For some reason, men believe that the perfect type of cologne will make a woman swoone at his feet. Truth be told, when they start to smell like the make-up/accessories department at Macy's I just want to gag. Have a gas mask ready and run like hell. That's just one minuscule example. And women do it to. We all know that one girl who puts on the bubbly face and a s*** ton of makeup. Women will literally put on a different face. It's enough to make a gran entre into a masquerade ball.
All I'm saying is that why not be your simple, untouched self? It's so easy to do nothing at all. When I first met my boyfriend I was in shorts, a tshirt and chacos with my hair haphazardly thrown up and no make up. I probably looked and smelled like I had just gotten off a rafting trip. So? He called me anyway. Give the guy a break. Don't make him peel back all those layers to find you.
Rule #2 Honesty is Actually the Best Policy
I know, another shocker. This isn't rocket science my friends. There's times during a relationship where something is said that's a game breaker. Why not save yourself a possible tiff and just throw it all out on the table? That way, your possible partner can bail early if something makes them uncomfortable or they simply don't like. The time and energy that you might have put into the relationship is saved from what would have eventually ended in separation anyway.
Rule #3 What's In the Closet?
Along with being honest, take the incentive to clean out some skeletons too. Those dirty little secrets may make you look like a rebel without a cause, but it may not settle well with a significant other. One example is cheaters and I must say I loathe them. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I've dated one and I got hurt, so I have no reason to do the same thing when a similar outcome is highly probable. Save yourself from the heart ache and "give [out your] dirty little secrets." You're welcome.
Rule #4 Not perky, Just Positive
Negativity is not attractive. I can't stand to be around people that exude negative energy. We all know that one person that just bitches all the time and has nothing nice to say. They tire my out and make me feel like crap. Who would want to date someone like that? I'm not saying that you have to be Miss Perky penny (see Rule #1) but have an upbeat attitude on this journey. It will make a difference to both individuals involved. And you just might learn something along the way...
Rule #5 Forever the Student
Some people despise school but this isn't like that at all. All i can say is take some time to genuinely learn something about this person. Sometimes while walking to class or standing in like I'll compliment someone on a "cute dress" or "great shoes." It may start up a conversation and I spend 30 seconds acknowledging a fellow human beings existence. It's nice to have those simple warm fuzzy moments. My significant other raced motocross, a subject that I know noting about. But I sat down with him and tried to understand it better and I found it's pretty damn cool. While I expanded my knowledge frame, he was happy that I spent my time learning about something that was extremely important to him. Can you say Girlfriend Points? I think yes.
Rule #6 Introducing....Timon and Pumba
Disney had it right with this childhood favorite. I use Hakuna Matata on a daily basis along with C'est la vie. For those of you who don't speak French (or only know dirty phrases) it has the same meaning. As my mother so gently put it, "shit happens." If that doesn't get through to you, she also kindly stated, "Life's a bitch, be a bitch back." Wait, I'm getting off course here. Some people believe that there is a pre-designed plan for their life path. Call it God, a higher calling or just good ol' luck but I believe the same thing. When things get rough, I always believe that a) something good will come of it, b) I will learn a lesson from the experience or c) eventually everything will work out just fine. I luckily mastered this ideal during my late teens when, of course, I thought my world was coming to a crashing hault. Psha drama queen. But this wonderful notion started applying to my dating life too. Post break-up I would inhale a pint of hagen daaz and come to the beautiful realization that it was probably for the better. And the world continued spinning. Pre-relationship I was doing the same thing. If he doesn't call, doesn't care, or doesn't really like me, it's whatever. It wasn't meant to be. The almighty power just knocked on my door and exclaimed, "Don't worry about it! Here's some more icecream." So ladies, when the estrogen is taking over and you're feeling just a little to emotional to be mentally stable, have no worries. Hakuna Matata. I'm serious.
This may not work for you. This is just a compilation of all the dating light bulbs I've acquired over the years and especially most recently. I pulled a dating intervention experiment with this last one and I'm happy to say that we're still happy together. Who knew? I belched, I didn't look good, I threw all my shit on the table, I acted like my weird, quirky self and I offered him every escape clause in the book. It's amazing to me that he is still acknowledging me in public as his girlfriend.
With all that said, cheers!
-E-
Rule #1 Be Yourself
It sounds like the oldest trick in the book right? Yes. But it's interesting to me how far people will go to entice someones interests. For some reason, men believe that the perfect type of cologne will make a woman swoone at his feet. Truth be told, when they start to smell like the make-up/accessories department at Macy's I just want to gag. Have a gas mask ready and run like hell. That's just one minuscule example. And women do it to. We all know that one girl who puts on the bubbly face and a s*** ton of makeup. Women will literally put on a different face. It's enough to make a gran entre into a masquerade ball.
All I'm saying is that why not be your simple, untouched self? It's so easy to do nothing at all. When I first met my boyfriend I was in shorts, a tshirt and chacos with my hair haphazardly thrown up and no make up. I probably looked and smelled like I had just gotten off a rafting trip. So? He called me anyway. Give the guy a break. Don't make him peel back all those layers to find you.
Rule #2 Honesty is Actually the Best Policy
I know, another shocker. This isn't rocket science my friends. There's times during a relationship where something is said that's a game breaker. Why not save yourself a possible tiff and just throw it all out on the table? That way, your possible partner can bail early if something makes them uncomfortable or they simply don't like. The time and energy that you might have put into the relationship is saved from what would have eventually ended in separation anyway.
Rule #3 What's In the Closet?
Along with being honest, take the incentive to clean out some skeletons too. Those dirty little secrets may make you look like a rebel without a cause, but it may not settle well with a significant other. One example is cheaters and I must say I loathe them. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." I've dated one and I got hurt, so I have no reason to do the same thing when a similar outcome is highly probable. Save yourself from the heart ache and "give [out your] dirty little secrets." You're welcome.
Rule #4 Not perky, Just Positive
Negativity is not attractive. I can't stand to be around people that exude negative energy. We all know that one person that just bitches all the time and has nothing nice to say. They tire my out and make me feel like crap. Who would want to date someone like that? I'm not saying that you have to be Miss Perky penny (see Rule #1) but have an upbeat attitude on this journey. It will make a difference to both individuals involved. And you just might learn something along the way...
Rule #5 Forever the Student
Some people despise school but this isn't like that at all. All i can say is take some time to genuinely learn something about this person. Sometimes while walking to class or standing in like I'll compliment someone on a "cute dress" or "great shoes." It may start up a conversation and I spend 30 seconds acknowledging a fellow human beings existence. It's nice to have those simple warm fuzzy moments. My significant other raced motocross, a subject that I know noting about. But I sat down with him and tried to understand it better and I found it's pretty damn cool. While I expanded my knowledge frame, he was happy that I spent my time learning about something that was extremely important to him. Can you say Girlfriend Points? I think yes.
Rule #6 Introducing....Timon and Pumba
Disney had it right with this childhood favorite. I use Hakuna Matata on a daily basis along with C'est la vie. For those of you who don't speak French (or only know dirty phrases) it has the same meaning. As my mother so gently put it, "shit happens." If that doesn't get through to you, she also kindly stated, "Life's a bitch, be a bitch back." Wait, I'm getting off course here. Some people believe that there is a pre-designed plan for their life path. Call it God, a higher calling or just good ol' luck but I believe the same thing. When things get rough, I always believe that a) something good will come of it, b) I will learn a lesson from the experience or c) eventually everything will work out just fine. I luckily mastered this ideal during my late teens when, of course, I thought my world was coming to a crashing hault. Psha drama queen. But this wonderful notion started applying to my dating life too. Post break-up I would inhale a pint of hagen daaz and come to the beautiful realization that it was probably for the better. And the world continued spinning. Pre-relationship I was doing the same thing. If he doesn't call, doesn't care, or doesn't really like me, it's whatever. It wasn't meant to be. The almighty power just knocked on my door and exclaimed, "Don't worry about it! Here's some more icecream." So ladies, when the estrogen is taking over and you're feeling just a little to emotional to be mentally stable, have no worries. Hakuna Matata. I'm serious.
This may not work for you. This is just a compilation of all the dating light bulbs I've acquired over the years and especially most recently. I pulled a dating intervention experiment with this last one and I'm happy to say that we're still happy together. Who knew? I belched, I didn't look good, I threw all my shit on the table, I acted like my weird, quirky self and I offered him every escape clause in the book. It's amazing to me that he is still acknowledging me in public as his girlfriend.
With all that said, cheers!
-E-
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
An Angel's Piano
It was just one of those days. It wasn't that anything went particularly wrong, just that nothing really went right. And those days will, of course, come up every once in a while. I felt like it had sucked the life out of me and I was just zombing on like a brain-dead fool.
Done with class, and I managed to point myself in a direction and go. I just wanted to get to my boyfriend's for a hug....and maybe to whine about what good things didn't happen during my grueling day.
Walking past one of the dorms I heard this music coming from and open window. After some unnecessary creeping, I discovered a guy playing piano like there was no tomorrow. I could either stand outside of that extremely transparent window and wait for that awkward moment of eye contact or go inside and sit down. I opted for number two.
I silently slipped through the door and waited for him to finish his piece then abruptly asked if i could sit down and listen for a while. He obliged and told me if there was any music I particularly liked. My response, "Anything except degrading rap, hillbilly country or that dubstep shit." Small laughs preceded him explaining that he had a couple of original pieces put mostly wrote renditions of popular contemporary songs. He agreed to play for me after realizing that I, a complete stranger, just needed something to put a smile back on my face.
The moment his hands touched the ivory, and music resonated through the room, tears began rolling down my face.
I have heard musical geniuses play musical instruments. But this was the first time in years that I had witnessed an individual literally pour his heart and soul in to a piece. And as his heart beat with the rapid tempo, something in my heart opened and just released energy and emotion that I have been holding onto for a year. Eyes closed, ears opened, I was overwhelmed.
I recognized two of the three songs he played in the medley. The first must have been a song he had written while the second was one of my favorites, Hallelujah and the third was a national favorite, Amazing Grace. By the time he finished, I had stopped crying but my face still showed how many tears I'd cried.
I immediately started asking him about himself and how he came to play so well. It wasn't surprising that he played several instruments but had a sincere passion for the piano. And though he was in love with music he, like so many others, had decided to major in something more practical. Now, he just plays to speak to people and maybe put a smile on their face. Mission accomplished.
I politely thanked him while he gave me a hug. He hoped my day would get better and I said goodbye and took my leave.
His name was Christian. As I continued on my way, spirits lifted, I honestly believe that I had just met, and been touched by an angel.
Done with class, and I managed to point myself in a direction and go. I just wanted to get to my boyfriend's for a hug....and maybe to whine about what good things didn't happen during my grueling day.
Walking past one of the dorms I heard this music coming from and open window. After some unnecessary creeping, I discovered a guy playing piano like there was no tomorrow. I could either stand outside of that extremely transparent window and wait for that awkward moment of eye contact or go inside and sit down. I opted for number two.
I silently slipped through the door and waited for him to finish his piece then abruptly asked if i could sit down and listen for a while. He obliged and told me if there was any music I particularly liked. My response, "Anything except degrading rap, hillbilly country or that dubstep shit." Small laughs preceded him explaining that he had a couple of original pieces put mostly wrote renditions of popular contemporary songs. He agreed to play for me after realizing that I, a complete stranger, just needed something to put a smile back on my face.
The moment his hands touched the ivory, and music resonated through the room, tears began rolling down my face.
I have heard musical geniuses play musical instruments. But this was the first time in years that I had witnessed an individual literally pour his heart and soul in to a piece. And as his heart beat with the rapid tempo, something in my heart opened and just released energy and emotion that I have been holding onto for a year. Eyes closed, ears opened, I was overwhelmed.
I recognized two of the three songs he played in the medley. The first must have been a song he had written while the second was one of my favorites, Hallelujah and the third was a national favorite, Amazing Grace. By the time he finished, I had stopped crying but my face still showed how many tears I'd cried.
I immediately started asking him about himself and how he came to play so well. It wasn't surprising that he played several instruments but had a sincere passion for the piano. And though he was in love with music he, like so many others, had decided to major in something more practical. Now, he just plays to speak to people and maybe put a smile on their face. Mission accomplished.
I politely thanked him while he gave me a hug. He hoped my day would get better and I said goodbye and took my leave.
His name was Christian. As I continued on my way, spirits lifted, I honestly believe that I had just met, and been touched by an angel.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Give Me a Gold Star
I'm sitting at my computer thinking that I wanted to be asleep over an hour ago. But something wouldn't let me. Maybe reading Nicholas Sparks books puts me in a pensive mood. Maybe the universe is trying to send me a message. Maybe the following words will be more jumbled up that a game of human knot. Let's go.
I am thankful for everyone that has ever hurt me.
I'm thankful for the ex-boyfriends that made me feel like total cow manure (get it?). Though confused/anger/sad/depressed at the time, I'm glad that he cheated, he left me for no reason, he was a total idiot, he lied to me the entire time...the list goes on. I'm that girl who is still friends with her past relationships because in retrospect, they are amazing people. They all have something to give to the world and they ultimately helped me learn about life, love and myself. That's the other thing, I forgive but I won't forget. Even though life was painful, you do your best and you get through it.
(And I'll admit it, right now there is a man in my life who made the rough parts of my past acceptable because I think I've found everything that I couldn't find in the past.)
I would like to mention that there is always another story. In the past I have lost friends. I moved, I grew, I grew out of them, vice verse, whatever. Right now, I think I'm ready to talk about this. About a year ago I lost a friend and it still haunts me today. I found out a secret, she lied to me, I gave her a chance, she gave up on a 5 year friendship. And I still kept secrets for someone that I truly cared about. I had nightmares for a week. I didn't tell anyone what I knew while I'm sure people were talking about me behind my back. The best part is, that a friend from my past proved how important trust and the truth is in a friendship. I learned. I learned the hard way that some people will throw away years of memories like trash on the sidewalk. I'm thankful because I realized more about friendship in one year than I have in my 20 years.
Now, I have a best friend (thanks to an ex-boyfriend, ironically) that I tell everything too. She is one of the few people that keeps me smiling and makes me feel loved and appreciated. There is a reason that the people of your past didn't make it to the present. I can only hope that the people in my present will stay with me through the future, whatever it may bring.
What's that phrase? "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." Is there a type of holy bullshit cleansing? Sign me up.
I shall revert to the wonderful new Kelly Clarkson song, "What Doesn't Kill You." Yes, it did make me stronger. I'm grateful because without that suffering there would be no compassion.
It's those small epiphanies that keep me going. It's the light bulbs that keep me pondering life. And it's the days when everything seems to be going wrong that I think about how good I have it.
I don't need a pat on the back, but I wouldn't mind a gold star.
Stay Excellent.
-E
I am thankful for everyone that has ever hurt me.
I'm thankful for the ex-boyfriends that made me feel like total cow manure (get it?). Though confused/anger/sad/depressed at the time, I'm glad that he cheated, he left me for no reason, he was a total idiot, he lied to me the entire time...the list goes on. I'm that girl who is still friends with her past relationships because in retrospect, they are amazing people. They all have something to give to the world and they ultimately helped me learn about life, love and myself. That's the other thing, I forgive but I won't forget. Even though life was painful, you do your best and you get through it.
(And I'll admit it, right now there is a man in my life who made the rough parts of my past acceptable because I think I've found everything that I couldn't find in the past.)
I would like to mention that there is always another story. In the past I have lost friends. I moved, I grew, I grew out of them, vice verse, whatever. Right now, I think I'm ready to talk about this. About a year ago I lost a friend and it still haunts me today. I found out a secret, she lied to me, I gave her a chance, she gave up on a 5 year friendship. And I still kept secrets for someone that I truly cared about. I had nightmares for a week. I didn't tell anyone what I knew while I'm sure people were talking about me behind my back. The best part is, that a friend from my past proved how important trust and the truth is in a friendship. I learned. I learned the hard way that some people will throw away years of memories like trash on the sidewalk. I'm thankful because I realized more about friendship in one year than I have in my 20 years.
Now, I have a best friend (thanks to an ex-boyfriend, ironically) that I tell everything too. She is one of the few people that keeps me smiling and makes me feel loved and appreciated. There is a reason that the people of your past didn't make it to the present. I can only hope that the people in my present will stay with me through the future, whatever it may bring.
What's that phrase? "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." Is there a type of holy bullshit cleansing? Sign me up.
I shall revert to the wonderful new Kelly Clarkson song, "What Doesn't Kill You." Yes, it did make me stronger. I'm grateful because without that suffering there would be no compassion.
It's those small epiphanies that keep me going. It's the light bulbs that keep me pondering life. And it's the days when everything seems to be going wrong that I think about how good I have it.
I don't need a pat on the back, but I wouldn't mind a gold star.
 |
| Diva Kitty likes Kittens. |
Stay Excellent.
-E
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